A year and a half ago when Tony and I
began this journey, I adopted the mantra “patient and optimistic”. I prayed for
patience every night; I remained upbeat despite things not going the way we had
planned. Then we found out we were pregnant…with twins. The news put a new spin
on the “optimistic” part of my mantra. Then the bed rest came- 18 days of
praying for patience while I sat and tried to remain optimistic. Then the
babies were born- too early, much too early- and I was being wheeled into the
operating room, I prayed for strength and wisdom for my doctor and then I had
to lie on the operating table, helpless, patiently waiting to hear my babies
cries, optimistic that they would be born fighters.
Today, I sit at home 41 days after the
birth of my son and my daughter and I remain patient and optimistic that they
will come home soon. People ask me on a
daily basis when they’ll leave the NICU- I can never give a straight answer;
there are too many variables to account for- too many tests they must pass.
Patience, patience Mom and Dad- they are still little despite their chubby
cheeks and shiny eyes- they are still little and still need patience and
understanding. So, I sit patiently and watch Jack finish his bottle, and watch
Harper being taken off her oxygen monitor- they are growing so quickly, but not
quickly enough for me.
The mantra I picked almost two years ago
is not an easy one- I struggle with this on a daily basis. How can I remain
upbeat when I have to leave my babies everyday and trudge home despite every
fiber of my being telling me I should be with my children? How can I practice patience when I’ve been
sitting by a bedside for six weeks and still don’t have an end date in sight? I
suppose it is God’s grace that gets us through the day- that brings the
patience and optimism to the forefront despite the tears and the frustration.
Today was a good day in the NICU; no, not everything happened the way we wanted
it to, and no, we don’t have two little ones sleeping in our arms as I type
this, but I am patient and optimistic that one day we will- one day soon.
I think you and Tony are amazing, incredible parents!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree. You and Tony are such strong, caring, and wonderful people. You are amazing parents. I can't even imagine how hard it must be, but I know God is right there with you guiding the way for Jack and Harper. Love you all, and think about you each and every day.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how hard this must be on all four of you. They have such an incredible adventure coming up and two strong and wonderful parents to guide them through it. I'm so thankful for your perspective here when I get stuck in my rut of daily frustrations. Love you very much and hoping and praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteThank you, ladies, you are amazing friends and I love each one of you very much. I can't wait for you to meet my children one day soon!
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