Jack,
One year ago yesterday you came home from the hospital. You
spent 54 days growing and getting big and strong, and then your dad and I
hoisted you upon our shoulders and welcomed you home. We celebrated your first birthday in
December, but February 22nd was the day you began your life at home
with us- a day to be celebrated.
Jack, you have learned so many things in the past year: you
crawl like a champ, feed yourself, dance, and laugh; you said your first word,
and this morning, we watched you string together your first steps and really,
truly walk for the first time. You were skeptical how this walking might work,
and you took your steps cautiously, but soon you were grinning ear to ear and
you were so proud of yourself when you reached your destination.
Your steps this morning were very much like the steps we
took together a year ago. Your dad and I were skeptical- we had no idea what
life would be like outside of the NICU; we were cautious- I would’ve held you
every moment if I could’ve; I didn’t want anything to happen to you; and we
were grinning ear to ear- you were such a little man and you worked so hard to
get home, and we were thrilled to have you. We are so proud of all you have
accomplished.
This year you have filled my heart with such joy and wonder
and happiness. I never knew if I would get to see the world through the eyes of
a child, but you and your sister, you show your dad and I things in a whole new
way. I love to wake up to your smile every morning when I pick you up from your
crib; even if you’re cranky, you always give me a smile. I love that something
tickles your funny bone and you laugh at silly things- really belly laugh. I
love that you give slobbery open-mouthed kisses, and clutch onto the neck of my
shirt when I hold you, and play with my fingers when we read books, or sit and
have quiet time. I love that you will rest your head on my shoulder, or wrap
your fingers around mine, or snuggle into my lap. I love that you love spending
time with me.
I love that you are my son. I love that God blessed my life
with yours. You are the boy who made me a mommy- my first born- my only son- my
little man. A year ago today I was overwhelmed and worried that I would not be
a good enough mommy to you. Sitting here a year later, I still pray that God
will mold me into the mother that you need me to be; that He will grant me
patience, understanding, wisdom, compassion, and strength.
I pray that God will guide you in all that you do and you
will learn to walk in His ways, because even now, little one, I know that all
my days with you are preparing you for days when you won’t need me. Wow, that
put a lump in my throat. How in the world am I ever going to understand a time
when you don’t need me? Thankfully, that will be years from now. I can already
see that emerging young man- that little tiny bundle that we hustled to the car
a year ago isn’t tiny anymore.
Jackman, I am so amazed at the little boy that you are
becoming and I know that we are in for many more adventures. Always remember
that you are a miracle kiddo- I can’t wait to see what you learn next.
I love you,
Momma
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