A Letter To My Daughter One Year After the NICU

Here' my letter to Harper one year (and one day) after she left the NICU.  Mimi, Tony says to get the tissues...

Harper,

Holy cow, kiddo, you’ve been home for a year- a whole year! When you were in the NICU, the days seemed to drag on- 74 days of holding you through a plastic gown and having specific times when we could pick you up, change your diaper, snuggle you close-those days are long behind us. I thank God everyday that you spent 74 days in the NICU, though, because without that time- without those precious days of growing- you may not have been with us here today.  So, here’s to a happy anniversary- your homecoming and what a year at home it is has been!

You have learned so much, Harper, and you continue to surprise and amaze me everyday. You do things and I think “surely she didn’t just do that” or, “how does she know how to do this already?”  You are a smart cookie, Miss Harper; those wheels are always turning and you are constantly analyzing and assessing the world around you. I can see you putting things together, for instance: we taught you to sign “more” when you want more food, now you’re using the sign when you want us to read another book, or sing another song, or even hold you again after putting you down. I can’t wait to see what you put together next.

Harper, you also have this comedic timing that has to be God given because even your dad, who is super funny himself, couldn’t have taught you this. It blows me away when you make a face at just the right moment, or throw your hands into your “I don’t know” pose, or put your hands to your mouth in “uh-oh” right after you have intentionally done something. You make things hard for us because we’re trying not to laugh so we don’t encourage you, but you’re so gosh darn cute and funny!

Harper, my little girl, my daughter, my baby “B” with the twisted positioning and the under developed lungs, and the tiny, tiny hands, my Harper- look how far you have come, my dear. You came home a year ago and we all held our breath because in the back of our minds we were so afraid that we would have to take you back to the hospital, but we didn’t. We were worried that you wouldn’t eat, and we struggled to get you your nutrients and we were sure that you were going to end up right back in the hospital with an NG tube…but yesterday afternoon, we watched you eat scrambled eggs, chicken, sweet potato fries, and cheese and you laughed and smiled. You have come a long way from our “failure to thrive” girl to our little one who now walks where she needs to go.

When I think of you and all you’ve been through this year, I well up inside- I well up with pride for the fighter that you are, for the stubborn streak that you inherited that gave you the will to push through so much. I also well up with sadness because no mother wants to watch their child struggle, and the feeling of helplessness that accompanied your struggle changed all of us. This year has been a tough one for you kiddo, but it has also made you the girl that you’re becoming- gone are the little baby days and the moments of sleeping in my arms- gone, but not forgotten.

I know you are meant for big things, Harper, God made you a fighter for a reason. You and your brother are my walking, talking miracles, and I thank God everyday that He chose me to be your mother. We have so much to learn from each other. I pray that God will guide you in all that you do, and you will look to Him, especially when you feel like things are too much to bear. I pray that you will stay stubborn (crazy for me to want that, right) and true to your beliefs in all you do. I know this world will sway you and many things might come between us, Harper, but know that I am so proud to have you as my daughter, so inspired by you, so humbled that you call me “Momma”. Of all the gifts God has given me, my children are the greatest blessing. Please don’t ever question what you mean to me.

Last year when I wrote to you, I quoted a song that I’d heard on the radio that morning about a mother looking into her daughter’s eyes and seeing the future. When I look in your eyes, Harper, I see tenacity and I see fire and I see a girl who is going to light up the world- I can’t wait to watch you do it.

I love you,

Momma

Wheezing

I know I missed my normal Sunday night post, and I had every intention of posting last night, but it's been a bumpy week or so in the Collett house. Remember that peace that I was talking about last post, well a little piece of it chipped away when Jack got sick last week.

Jack started coughing on Wednesday- nothing too serious, just a cough...then on Thursday he had a little bit of fever and a cough and a runny nose...then on Friday the cough got worse, so Friday night we decided to take Jack to the doctor the next morning.

Saturday Tony and I split up our duties and I took Jack to the doctor and Tony took Harper to the grocery store. The PA at the doctor's office listened to Jack's "wheeze" for only a moment before ordering an RSV test. I was dreading the results of this test. If you're not familiar with RSV, here's a link to some info: http://www.chop.edu/healthinfo/respiratory-syncytial-virus-rsv.html.  The irritating thing about this is that kids have been getting Synagis shots to help prevent RSV every month since November; however, due to the new insurance (who says the kid's don't qualify for the shots) they missed their last dose of RSV season.  

While we waited for the nose swab test to come back, the PA suggested we do a nebulizer breathing treatment; he explained that the medication would be in a mist form, and Jack would wear a mask for about 10 minutes while the medicine was being misted into the mask. I thought, "great- this is much better than trying to hold him still for a shot and have him cry!"  Oh, I was a fool. Here is a picture of the first breathing treatment...

It was like trying to cage a wild animal. I ended up having to pin his arms behind his back and clutch his body up to my chest with one arm, with the other arm I was forcing his face into this mask that, apparently, was the worst thing he's ever encountered. He used his feet to flail about and rip the tubing from the machine, which I had to plug back in no less than 4 times; I ended up trapping both of his feet between my knees which turned his low wail into a shrill scream. I'm sure it sounded like my child was being eaten alive by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. By the end of this 10 minute ordeal, I was sweating like crazy, Jack was crying so hard that he was gasping and gulping, and the RSV test was STILL not back.

Jack and I put ourselves back together and played enough to get smiles on our faces before the doctor came in to tell us that Jack did not have RSV- best news we could hope for- but instead has bronchiolitis (an infection of the respiratory system, but not as severe as RSV). So, we went home with a nebulizer and did breathing treatments, every 4 hours for 48 hours. We figured out that if we put on some Thomas and Friends, the screaming stopped and Jack didn't mind too much. In fact, he seems to be feeling much better (despite me having to suck snot out of his nose every few hours) and I hope that he will continue to feel better (the doc said he could have this cough for up to six weeks- ugh).

In other news, we did have a couple of bright spots in the weekend: Friday night we went to Arlington and had dinner with my dad. Harper got to sit next to Dad at dinner and she really enjoyed the time with her Pop. She ate off his plate, giggled at him, and kept him on his toes trying to grab knives, straws, and anything else that was within reach. 

I also put some shoes on Harper to get her dressed for her outing to the store with Tony. She looked so cute in her shoes that I had to take a picture and include it. I don't know when these kids started looking more like boys and girls than babies, but she looks so cute and "grown up" in these shoes and her cute little outfit.

We have other exciting things planned for Spring Break (a very much needed break for me), and I'll post pictures of all our adventures this week. I'll close with a picture of Abby waiting for the kids to finish eating so she can "clean up" their high chairs- funny, she seems to like them a lot more now!

Peace

This week has brought some much needed peace to the Collett household. I can't put my finger on one particular incident that has put us at ease, but I can feel a subtle shift taking place in the house, and I take solace in this shift.

After 14 months of feeling like marionettes bouncing around on a whim, I feel like we're finally getting our feet under us (took long enough, didn't it?). Tony and I know that we're on a roller coaster, but thankfully, right now it feels like we're in a straight away...I'm sure the straight away will turn into a hard bank to the left or a sharp drop that takes us by surprise. I will choose to be thankful for the straight away.

The weather in Dallas has been crazy (think 50 degree drop in temperature last weekend and an inclement weather day off of school on Monday), and poor Abby hasn't been getting out as much as she'd like to. I took the opportunity to bundle the kids up yesterday and get everyone out of the house. I'm sure our neighbors think I'm nuts walking around the neighborhood with two babies bundled up (they also had blankets on them, not seen in the pictures), and a dog tied around my waist. I was also sporting a good looking toboggan (thanks Aunt Becky) that I'm pretty embarrassed the kids and I was singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" as we made our trek. I not only put coats on the kiddos, but I also put on their mittens. The kids were not too found of the mittens and Harper opened and closed her hands over and over with a confused look. Jack somehow managed to take off his tennis shoe despite having mittens on both hands, and when I snapped a picture of him, he had his shoe up by his face!  Where does he come up with these things? Here are some pictures of our adventure.

14 Months Old

Jack and Harper are fourteen months old today and they seem to be getting bigger by the minute. Jack is officially in all 12 month clothes, and Harper is in 9 month clothes now (she seemed like she would be in 3 month clothes forever). Both kids are walking all over the place, and they both carry objects as they walk now. Harper is trying to learn to stand from a seated position, and Jack is learning more words like "ball", which he said a few times this weekend. I have no idea what they'll be doing next week, but I know it will be amazing to watch...here they are walking :)

This weekend has been a crazy weekend in Frisco. Saturday we spent our afternoon with our gym friends enjoying a cookout and basking in the warm weather. The kids were so excited to sit in this little chair (we're going to have to invest in some chairs for these little ones), and eat their hamburger and chocolate cake. The day was beautiful and Abby and I enjoyed a long walk when we got home from the gym, and I was sweating in shorts and a t-shirt. I'm thankful Abby and I got in a long walk yesterday because today a cold front came through, and we are now iced in.

The kids I spent the day snuggled up in the house trying to stay warm. We even found ourselves piled into the same bed this morning- the flash was so bright! After looking at the daily forecast, we knew we didn't want the kids out in cold, so Tony ventured out to the grocery store, and he said the place was a madhouse. So, he escaped and picked us up some Whataburger (our last fast food until Easter- we're giving it up for Lent; wish us luck). While Tony was at the store, I worked on swapping out some of the kids' toys and books. They love their books, but it was time for some rotation to take place (the books are looked well loved and they still have Christmas/birthday toys they haven't played with yet). When the kiddos got up from their nap today, they had a new toy to play with. Here are some action shots; you'll notice Jack hardly looked up- he was too busy trying to figure everything out.

 
 


We ended our night with a surprise from little Miss Harper. She decided that she was upset with us during dinner and started yelling and then screaming and then crying...she had a full on meltdown while Tony, Jack, and I ate our roast, carrots, and mashed potatoes. Dinner was fantastic, but the ambiance was awful. Harper cried so loudly and so angrily that Tony put her in the living room to calm down. When she calmed down, I tried to put her back in her high chair, and she immediately started throwing her temper tantrum again and I put her back in the living room. Tony and I were exhausted by her antics, and she was exhausted from screaming for 25 minutes. That did not stop her, however, from acting like a crazy person when I tried to change her diaper and put on her pajamas. I called to tell my mother that we had a "14 month old for sale", and she laughed and said "what did Harper do?" I can't imagine what she's going to be like at 2; I guess we're getting a glimpse of the terrible twos a little early. Who can stay mad at this sweet face?

While Harper was doing her impression of the Tasmanian Devil, Jack was eating his dinner, laughing, and being an enjoyable little guy. Thank you, Jack, for being drama free; for this good behavior, you get two things you love: your dad's wallet, and the television remote!

Happy 14 months my sweet boy and my sweet girl; even when the wheels fall off, we still love you more than anything else in the whole world.

Walkers

We officially have two toddlers in our house. On Sunday Jack started walking; it was like he looked at Harper and said "hmm...I think I'll do that today" and then he just pulled up and walked. Jack walks slowly and deliberately while little sister Harper zips around walking from one side of the room to the next. Harper is now learning to navigate around objects, slow her speed when she gets going too quickly, and yesterday, she picked up a stuffed dog and carried it with her as she walked one side of the room to the other. I am so proud of these two little ones, both moving at their own speed, both reaching their goals, both becoming walkers by their "first year" (adjusted age).

I decided this week that I needed to take some shots of H & J playing so I can remember what these days are like. I recently read a blog about slowing down life and enjoying the moments to fully appreciate all that you have. I think taking these pictures has forced me to put down the iPhone, take my eyes off the tv, abandon the grading, laundry, other numerous chores, and really spend time appreciating the kids at play. So, here are some pictures of the kiddos- enjoy!