6 Months Today

It is hard to imagine how much our lives have changed in the last year. I can't believe that six month ago Tony and I were bringing two little lives into the world. I never dreamed that the days that seem so long would turn into months that pass so quickly; I looked back over the pictures we have of them in the NICU and it feels like yesterday and it feels like an alternative life all at once. We are so blessed to celebrate Harper and Jack's half birthday today- happy six months kiddos!

To celebrate, here are some quick updates:

Jack:
-now rolls over with a purpose (new on Friday)
-loves to chew on his hands
-transfers objects hand to hand with ease
-grins big and arches his eyebrows
-likes to read books with his mom


Harper:
-rolls over, pulls her knees up and pushes off to crawl (any day now)
-can scoot backwards
-grabs objects she's interested in and puts everything to her mouth
-is very interested in Abby
-grins and squeals when excited
-likes to play "Superman" with her dad

The twins also tried their first foods this week- carrots. The carrots weren't so much of a hit, but we're going to keep at it. Mostly, they both just pushed the food around their mouths and spit it out or ate just a little bit; they did make a mess, though.

We also spent the night at Nana and Pop's last night because Tony and I went to the Ranger game and my mom and Granny watched the kiddos. This was their first overnight trip and the kids were great, even did well at church this morning. We got home today just in time to get ready for the Collett/Sloma crew to arrive in Frisco. We are so excited to have Tony's parents and his sister and her family in town for the week. Get ready for lots of cousin adventure pictures.

Happy 6th Month birthday, Harper and Jack, we love you very, very much!

Jack's GI Visit

Jack and I went to see the gastrointerologist yesterday, yes, the same one who looked at Harper two weeks ago.  He seemed concerned that Jack was back to screaming after eating and has decided to try a two-pronged treatment approach:

-Jack is now on Neocate, a formula that is made mostly of corn syrup, soy, coconut oil, and sunflower oil and simple protiens which contain no lactose. The thought is that Jack may be allergic to something in the Enfacare; so the Neocate is a trial food study to see if he responds better to this.

-Jack is also goign to have a sonogram of his abdomen sometime in the next week. The doctor just wants to make sure everything is okay internally.

Of course, we're hoping the Neocate works for him and the sonogram shows nothing out of the oridinary. The doctor has also suggested taking Jack off his Prevacid because he said it's obiviously not working. I'm a little hesitant to do that because I think, "what if it helps,  it just doesn't help enough", so we're going to gradually wean him off of the meds instead of stopping right away.

So, aside from the Jack update, there are a few cute pictures of the kiddos playing that I have to include in this post. The old green quilt that we've turned into the living room playmat is the new favorite spot. It's so neat to watch the kids roll around, grab and play with toys, and make noise. Both of these pictures feature our little spitfire, Harper. Because she can move in so many different ways now, she gets herself into all sorts of contorted positions and, poor Jack, ends up being her punching bag (or kicking bag).  Pay close attention to her face in the picture where she's stuck on her stuffed dog (she rolled over and the dog was in the way, but she didn't care). The little grin that she's making in that picture is the new looks he gives us when we do something that she thinks is funny- too cute!

Monday Updates

This weekend seemed to fly by, not because we were busy, but because both Tony and I worked last week and I think we were so looking forward to the weekend for some rest. We did have a chance to sneak in a nap over the weekend, spend some fun time at the gym, do some house cleaning, and have dinner with friends- so it was, overall, very nice.

I feel like I've been focused on Harper quite a bit lately, so I thought I'd start by giving a Jack update. First of all, look at this picture; he looks like like a boy and not a little baby here. I still don't know how I feel about that. He is adorable, don't get me wrong, but I feel like they are growing up so fast and if I blink, I'll miss something. Right now, Jack is happiest when he's chewing on his fist, sucking on his pacifier, or grinning- big time. He has the most infectious smile and has learned to raise his eyebrows when something really catches his attention. He also has the sweetest little belly laugh; there isn't one thing that makes him laugh every time, but he laughs at all sorts of different things. He dislikes tummy time-mostly because of his large noggin, I think, but he really likes laying on his left side and chewing those hands. I think someone may be getting ready to cut a tooth.

We also have an appointment tomorrow with the gastrointerologist for Jack. After months of not having bad reflux (remember, he used to scream while eating and arch his back and his lips would turn blue), the reflux is back accompained by spit up. The spit up wouldn't be too bad if it was right after eating, but, poor Jack, can be held upright for 30 minutes after eating, take a nap, and then spit up an hour later. He is also back to flapping his arms and making choking nosies when he tries to bup. I am convinced that the medicine he was taking isn't working anymore, but we shall see what the doctor says.

Harper is Harper. Her eating is consistently inconsistent. I am trying to follow the GI's advice to forget measuring the amount she takes each day and instead focus on her overall health. She did finish a bottle for Durinda today (shout out to Durinda who is back!!) and she did pretty well for me this afternoon too. We will see how things go the next couple of weeks. We are awaiting a doctor's order for her swallow study, so we're in a holding pattern right now.

As far as Harper's activity level- the girl never sits still. As I'm typing this, she is in a play chair kicking her feet and trying to pull an owl down from overhead. If Harper is put down on her back, she rolls over right away and has now started pulling her knees up and trying to push off the floor to propel herself forward. She can "inchworm" herself along and move to toys on the playmat and spin herself in a complete circle to get what she wants; I told Tony it won't be long before she figures out how to crawl and then Abby's world will be over. She is also a very happy smiling little one. She turns her head when she hears her name and grins and usually has a verbal response. There is something so wonderful about seeing her smile and squeal in happiness; it melts my heart to know that she is happy despite the eating mystery.

I will leave you with a few pictures we took over the weekend of the kiddos wearing cute matching outfits from our Aunt Becky. Oh, and both kids have now seen Abby and are very interested in anything that she does; they will both stop eating and turn their heads to watch Abby enter a room. Who knew our pup would have such admirers.

Decisions

Well, I haven't been blogging because it's been a little stressful around the Collett household. We got two opinions from two different specialists regarding Harper and her eating situation. The opinions were so varied that they left both me and Tony confused and feeling helpless. I know that we have to make a choice and move forward...but what is the right choice? How do we know that we're doing what's best for Harper? How can we make an informed decision when there are two forces pulling us in different directions? It's been a struggle, to say the least.

So, here's what the two specialists said: #1 is a pediatric gastrointerologist and we saw him on Tuesday. He looked at Harper, talked to me and my mom and said he didn't think there was anything physically wrong with her in terms of ablitity to eat. He thinks that she's been traumatized by being force fed and now she just needs to learn to like to eat.

His suggestions:
-up her calorie intake in her bottles (from 22 to 30), so she's getting more calories for eating less
-offer her food every 3 waking hours, but don't force her to take it
-limit feeds to what she is willing to do in 20 min
-if she pitches a fit, walk away and try again in a few minutes
-let her  sleep through the night if she can
-stop measuring how much she ate
-no weighing her
-only worry about having 3 wet diapers a day
-follow up visit for weight and BMI check in 4 weeks
-New swallow study

The visit to the feeding clinic was a totally different beast. Let me start by saying we had to drive to Downtown Dallas and the kids and I got lost, then when we arrived, the receptionist sent us to the wrong place and I had to be escorted to the right place...so I was a little frazzled when the appointment started. Harper was doing okay until the woman who was evaluating her wanted to hold her- then it went downhill from there. Harper was hungry and grumpy and didn't want that woman to hold her. She cried- a lot. I tried to feed Harper, but she refused to eat, so the evaluator left and went to get an OT who came in and tried to show me infant massage to calm Harper down. Harper was still hungry, angry, and now scared when this woman tried to lay her on a table and start the massage. Needless to say, the massage didn't go well. The OT told me we needed to get Harper some therapy to work on her self soothing problem and her sensitivity to touch. She said "Normal kids like to get massages; it calms them down."  I think that was where she lost me...

So, the OT gave Harper back to me, I calmed her down and she took her bottle- she finished all of it. The speech therapist watched her eat and then made the following reccomendations:

-too much rice thickener in her bottle- needs to learn to have a stronger suck, so thickener is not needed (remember she has a thickener to keep from aspirating; it also helps with her reflux)
-VitalStem (electroshock therapy) three times a week reccomended to strengthen swallow
-think about an NG tube (the tube she had in her nose while she was in the NICU) so you can monitor exactly how many ounces and mililiters she is consuming
-Occupational therapy for soothing issue and touch sensitivity
-Medicine for reflux that seems to be giving her problems (totally agree with this)
-New swallow study (the only thing both specialist agreed on)

I told the therapist that driving downtown three times a week seemed daunting and asked if we could go to a satalite office. She said she would call and check and when she called back, these were the options we were given:
-Plano office (close and managable, no problem)
-In patient services downtown (Harper could go and live at the hospital for 3 weeks while she did her shock therapy)

The thought of inpatient services made me numb. Is she really bad enough of that she needs to be ripped from our arms, put on a feeding tube, and have electrodes hooked to her throat? It has all been too much to bear.

It didn't help that when I called the pediatrician for some guidance (and spoke to her nurse, of course, because what real doctor actually talks to their clients on the phone...no, I'm not bitter), the doctor said, via the nurse, "just do what the feeding clinic said, the GI is great, but hasn't been seeing Harper that long."

NO WAY- you didn't even think about the possibility of shock treatment, an NG tube, and a hospital stay? You couldn't have really processed this because I know that you talked to the nurse for two minutes or less- ARRRGGG!

So, here we stand at the crossroads. I am not convinced one way or another. I loved hearing what the GI had to say, that things will get better, to give her a litte time.  But, then I hear the speech therapist impressing upon me the importance of nutrients to the brain right now and overall growth and health and I wonder if she should be in a hospital with a tube down her nose counting every calorie she takes in. Tony even said last night "maybe she came home from the NICU too soon"... do we have the time to wait?

My only reservation with the shock therapy (besides the fact that it's shock therapy and she is my baby), is that the reccomendation came without seeing an updated swallow study and knowing exactly what's going on with her swallow. I sort of feel like the speech therapist made up her mind when Harper started crying; I mean, she finished a bottle with that lady in the room for Pete sake! If she can't swallow very well, then how did she do that?

I guess the enormity of the situation is just weighing on me, and Tony, and Jack, and Harper, and even Abby. Our house has been a crucible and it's exhausting to know that Tony and I have to make the choice, but Harper has to live with it. Prayers are welcomed.

In other quick news: the kids went to wok on curriculum writing with me on Thursday. Here's a picture of their afternoon work.  They did a great job, even Harper ate while we were there! It was great day, so I'll end on a happy note.

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

First, let me start by saying that, yes, I know that it's Tuesday and that we've been holding our breath all week waiting for Tuesday to arrive. We went to the GI today and I really liked him; he had a great bedside manner and was good with Harper. He also gave me some advice that I'm taking to heart and was very happy to hear- among them, Harper needs to be treated like a normal kid and we don't need to agonize over every drop she eats (or doesn't eat) or weigh her everyday. He said that if she didn't want to eat, there wasn't anything that I could do to force it down her; I needed to hear that. I needed to have that peace that I was doing all I could to help her. With that being said, he did give us some suggestions for making feedings a much better experience for all of us; we have decided to wait and see what the feeding clinic has to say tomorrow and then make an informed decision how to proceed.  So, stay tuned for the update tomorrow.

The exciting news around our house is that we now have two rollers! Last night Harper rolled from back to front for the first time- then she proceeded to roll back to front four or five more times. She was very excited to have this rolling thing figured out and spent the day to rolling all over the place.  My mom stayed with the kids yesterday and today while I was working and she warned me that Harper was on the move all day long.

We have yet to have a rolling collision, mostly because Jack just uses his rolling skills to sleep on his side or tummy, but I know that we're going to have a much more lively house now, that's for sure!

Happy Father's Day and Other Updates

I want to start off by wishing my Dad, Tony's Dad, my Grandpa, and my wonderful husband a very Happy Father's Day!  I hope they all had a great day.

Our house has been walking on eggshells for the past three days, holding our breaths when Harper ate- praying and willing her to take that bottle and...so far, she has. I was her primary feeding handler the past few days; today was the first time she let Tony feed her since Tuesday and I was overjoyed that she did. We've gone back to feeding her every 3 hours around the clock and being the only one who could feed her made for a couple of long nights. I did manage to get 17 ounces in her yesterday (she should take 18 ounces ideally, but sometimes she was only taking 11) and I was so proud of Harper. I know that she is in pain when she eats, and I hope that Tuesday we can get some much needed help.


Alright, enough with Harper's eating issues- let's get to the fun stuff.  Here are the pictures that I missed up loading these past few days. I hope you enjoy!

Visiting Dad at work and having lunch with him

 Trying out our new favorite play place- the living room floor

Hanging out with Uncle Tanner

Meeting little Emmy and visiting with Mimi and Papa too

 Trying out the Bumbo chairs while Harper tells Jack what to do

Jack trying rice cereal for the first time...I think it was a hit.

Checking out Pop's new car

Taking LOTS of naps

Finally, a few Father's Day shots

Happy Father's Day 

When The Other Shoe Dropped

Well, I originally intended to write this post about all of our family adventures this week: a visit to Tony’s office with a lunch outing, a trip to meet the newest Collett, Emelia, a jaunt to Nana and Pop’s house, and some fun time with Uncle Tanner. 

But those things will wait.

Today, the kids had their first appointment with the developmental specialist. This specialist’s job is to look at Jack and Harper and where they are with their gross motor skills, their language development, their overall physical health, oh yeah,…and their nutrition.

Jack got a stellar report: great job rolling over, grasping objects, transferring objects from one hand to the other, making eye contact, smiling, good head shape, good weight, ready to try some pureed fruits and veggies. Overall, he was functioning about a 4.5-5 month level- a very big deal for our little man who was born two months early.

Harper also did well smiling and making eye contact. She was more reluctant to grab for objects and needs a little work on her tummy time- she’s too rigid and needs to learn to relax a bit more. Overall, she is at a 3-month developmental level, which is where she is with her adjusted age. She does have some areas of concern though: Harper has torticollis (a technical way of saying a stiff neck) and we need to work on stretching her everyday. She also has reflux, which is causing her to stay in an extended tense position, so we’re going to work on flextion with her.

The last major area of concern for Harper is the biggest concern for our little family right now.

We found out today that Harper has not gained any weight in two weeks…she should gain an ounce a day. For the last 14 days, she has made no progress- none at all. Growing taller, but no bigger, no developing muscles, no layer of baby fat- just a stagnant girl.

The specialist asked me how many ounces Harper ate on a regular basis. I told her yesterday she ate 13, the day before she only ate 11; the doctor told me I needed to feed her 16 ounces a day…minimum.

This is where I came unglued, in the developmental specialist’s exam room, with my fragile, sleeping daughter in my arms, and my boy- my joyful little boy- watching me with a puzzled look on his face. This is where Mommy broke down, hit the bottom, cold and alone, where the guilt of every mile I walked with them, every time I went to the gym with my precious bundles inside, every stair I climbed while I was pregnant- where all of the guilt ran through my body like a hot burst and I stood with tears cascading down my face trying to explain why I couldn’t give my daughter what she needs to thrive.

And how do you explain to someone that you cannot make her eat? Just saying the words, “I can’t. I don’t know how to help her.”

Those words made my heart beat fast. This was a well kept secret, this idea that I don’t really know what I’m doing, that I make most decisions on the fly, that I somehow lost the owner’s manual to my kids, all of this was something I thought I hid…now all thrust into the open- every ugly drop of pride and vanity and guilt and shame and inadequacy and hopelessness- it all laid open in those nine words.

Those words proved to be mighty. The specialist put a call into our pediatrician who saw Harper this afternoon and called a pediatric gastroenterologist who is seeing Harper Tuesday; the doctor also called a new feeding clinic and they will see Harper Wednesday. God never closes a door without opening a window or two.

The unfortunate problem is that we now have to wait until next week. This is proving to be harder than it sounds.

You do not know the true meaning of frustration until you hold this wonderful, innocent baby in your arms- the life that you are entrusted with- and it is your task to get her to do something so scary and so painful to her, that she screams the moment you sit down. She screams as the bottle passes her lips, she screams as she chokes down the precious calories that give her life and rob of her quality of life all at once. She stares into your eyes with a longing that seems to say “please, you don’t understand how horrible this is.”

You do not understand frustration until you’ve sat and rocked your child back and forth, back and forth, pleading with her to try, to please try, and apologizing with every gulp, tears streaming down both of your faces. The pain is palpable.

We have four more days of this-seven times a day- twenty eight more times we have to wander through this wilderness before we see the doctor again. Twenty-eight more times we have to hurt our beautiful girl, the little girl who trusts us to do everything to help her; we have to hurt her almost thirty more times praying each time that she won’t associate Mommy and Daddy with the pain radiating from her belly, that she won’t turn away and grow bitter and callous. Twenty-eight more times, twenty-eight more times, twenty-eight more times but who is counting…

I thought I should leave tonight with 5 good things that happened today- 5 things I’m thankful for, because even though it was not a great day- probably the hardest day for me in a long time- there were still good things about today.

1.     I am thankful that I have two children to blog about and these children are happy, and are learning, and doing new things. I am thankful for my little family.

2.     I am thankful for my wonderful husband, Tony, who helps me hold up the sky when it feels like everything is falling in around us.

3.     I am thankful my friend, Katie, went to the doctor’s office with me today to help with the kids. I could not have done it without her, and I appreciate all her kind words and support.

4.     I am thankful I got to walk Abby tonight; it was fun to watch her play with a random toad we stumbled upon- a much needed giggle was nice.

5.     I am thankful that despite the bad day, tomorrow is a new day, and though it is dark before the dawn, the sun always rises.

Family Reunion

We went to the Simpson Family Reunion this weekend in Patton, Texas (just outside of Valley Mills). The kids were great on the two hour drive down and hardly fussed on the way back. Tony and I were both impressed with their car riding.

When we got to Patton, we got to see our cousins and extended family that we usually only see once or twice a year. This was the debut of the twins, so they were pretty popular. Harper just ate up the attention and took the time to smile at everyone who came over to talk to her. Jack was pretty easy going and enjoyed looking around and seeing all the new faces.

We ate lunch and spent about an hour or so with my side of the family. We also attempted to feed the kids while we were there. Jack did okay, but Harper would not eat outside- no way. After listening to her protest for about 10 minutes, I went to the truck on Tony suggestion and blasted the AC. Not only did Harper enjoy cooling off, she also decided to take her bottle- woo hoo!


On the way home from Patton, we decided to stop in and see Aunt Erica and Uncle Ryan. They moved into a new house in West, so it was nice to see their place and get to see Ryan and Erica one more time before they became a family of three. Here are some pictures on their porch.

I'm glad we went by, because today they welcomed their baby girl Emelia Noble Collett to the world at 3:11 pm weighing in at 8lbs and 6 oz. Mom and baby are doing well and we are very excited the kids have a new cousin to play with.

Also, a quick shout out to my Grandpa who has a birthday today!  Happy birthday! Here'a shot of him with Jack on Mother's Day.

School is out for the summer!

School is finally out for the summer and I get to spend the majority of my time with the kids now. Watching my students leave was a little bitter sweet, but I know I’ll get to see them again next year when they’re seniors. I was so anxious to be done with school that I had everything packed and waiting for my last student to finish their last final so I could bolt out the door. I wasn’t anxious because my students were bad this year, I just had spring fever big time and I think I might have accidently caught a case of senioritis too- I hear it’s contagious.

I did, however, get some wonderful things from my awesome kids this year before school was out. I know it’s not customary to give high school teachers end of the year gifts, but I usually get a couple of things anyway (mostly Starbucks gift cards- even though I don’t drink coffee- oh well).  This year was very different and I must say, my kids and their kindness pleasantly surprised me.

Our family got two gift cards for the babies to buy clothes and diapers; you can’t go wrong with clothes and diapers! 

Before I had the babies, I worked on recommendation letters for one of my former students who sent us these cute penguin jammies as her “thank you”.  Harper wore this outfit home from the hospital, and Mimi and Nana had dressed Jack in his penguins too just by coincidence.

We also got these cute summer outfits for Harper and Jack from a family whose son and daughter I both taught. 

One of my other families who son I taught last year and whose daughter I taught this year got Jack and Harper some toys for their car seat- little bugs that make noise- that are already a hit with Jack. She also got us some cute tub toys that I’m sure will be a hit with both kiddos.

I had twins in my zero hour class this year who brought in copies of their favorite childhood books for my twins; I love that they contributed to my growing little library.

  

When I returned from maternity leave, five of my sweet students were there early in the morning to throw me a little welcome back party when I walked in the door. They had balloons, a cupcake, confetti, a basket of lotion and body spray for me and these adorable name plates for the kids. Tony and his dad hung those over their cribs and they look great (shout out to Papa-thanks for the help).

I also received a very unexpected gift from one of my girls during her “passion project” presentation. The students were asked to find something they were passionate about and make it into a presentation. This girl talked about her art and she showed us pictures of her abstract work; she is a wonderful young talent. At the end of her presentation, she came over and said “oh, and I made this for you” and then she handed me a package wrapped in brown butcher paper. I thought I was getting one of her abstract pieces, but when I unwrapped the artwork, this is what I found:

She had asked my neighbor at school, Jan, if she thought I would like a drawing of the kids. Jan contacted Tony who sent a picture- this picture- and now I have a beautiful drawing of the kids. I cried when I got it.

With all the ups and downs this school year had to offer, I definitely went out on a high note.

We are so happy school is out for the summer!

Life Long Readers

So my goal is to make Harper and Jack life long readers- I loved books as a kid, still love them as an adult, and I want to pass that love on to my kids. I have already been putting together a list of titles I need to purchase for their growing library.

So, Tuesday night when the kids were being fussy and Tony was fixing dinner, I thought maybe a book would do the trick and entertain the little ones. Turns out the book was a hit!  I read Brown Bear, Brown Bear four times before dinner was ready and even then, they were still paying attention. Jack was happy, kicking his feet and talking back as I read. I was one pleased Momma, for sure. I know the kids loved the illustrations, so now I'm on the hunt for large board books with big pictures. Let me know if anyone has any suggestions of kids books I need to put on my list.

The Evolution of Play

Tony and I have had to learn to work more as a team the last year or so. It started when I got pregnant and couldn't do everything I once could, and then the team was put to the test when I went on hospital bedrest for 18 days. Our biggest challange was working together to care for those babies and for ourselves while they were in the NICU and then doing double duty when Jack was home and Harper was not. I think those early days as a team helped us focus on the most important things and leave the minor details behind.

Now that we're working parents of two kids, the team aspect is brought to a different level each night as we try and complete simple tasks. For instance, tonight was my night at the gym, so I had the kids by myself until Tony got home. Then when Tony got home, he had the kids for an hour and 1/2 until I got back from the gym to help him with dinner time.  When I got home, we fed the kids, and then Tony set out to grill us some steaks.

At 7:45 Tony fired up the grill and I was in charge of the kids who were both awake and a little fussy.  These moments are always a roll of the dice because you never know what's going to entertain each child and, chances are, whatever it is won't work long.

I ended up putting both kids in a chair in hopes that I could dance around or make funny faces or read them a book and they would like that. Well...here's what happened:

Initial response to the chair...

Harper pulled a blanket from the arm of the chair and it fell on her and I stretched it over to Jack- who knew that would do the trick!

Find a stuffed dog on the end table? Apparently when you make the dog sing, it's the perfect entertainment option

When the dog sings, you have to dance along!

Did I act like I was happy two minutes ago? I was so wrong...

And then it's back to the drawing board.  Our night actually ended with Tony and I finally having dinner around 8:45. He had to cut my steak into bite size pieces because I was holding Harper with one arm and rocking Jack with the other. Nothing says classy steak dinner like eating with your fingers.